Past ‘Deathday’

I am sooooo relieved Monday is over ! ….strangest day ever….didn’t want to tell Angel everything…I was really afraid I would die before the day was over. Sunday was really scary..we were both afraid..he won’t say anything, but know he was more afraid than me. I’m so glad he stayed with me through everything now. I don’t know why I am getting freaked so easy now…wish it would stop. I don’t know if it was meds they gave me or what, but I was half-dreaming, half-awake all day. I kept thinking I was in The Matrix…the monitors, the alarms, laying flat for so long, not being able to move or turn over….kept feeling I was ‘flying’, thinking I was dead, but knowing if Ben wasn’t there, somehow I would be okay…then feeling I was ‘falling’ , reaching for something that is always just beyond my grasp….I hate that feeling…David…where are you ?? I need to talk to you. Please get your phone back ! I can’t talk to Angel about these things…I need to talk to you ! I can’t stand these monitors…it’s driving me crazy…I want to go home so bad ! I keep thinking if I had married a year ago, we would have a child by now…God, David, everything seemed so simple….

Send your dreams where nobody goes….

Give your tears to the tide….

No time….no time….no time….

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